yes,

bug eyes

I don't know why.


firecky: he is kind of a cute little dude
firecky: i will admit
firecky: i would hug him

f/1.8 50mm


(probably an all time favorite)

My mind is like a dog, it needs to be taken for walks every once in awhile. Or everyday, but that just doesn't seem to happen. I look at other people's artwork constantly, and I aspire to be able to do those things. But I am just not there yet, and it's hard to tell myself that. More and more I am realizing that I am a hands-on type person. I wish I could get inside the computer screen, touch every tangible object and arrange it into something beautiful. I cannot do that, though. Which is why it is more difficult to be a graphic artist, rather than a talent-ridden painter or a sculptor. Actually, theyre all difficult. It just seems like "anyone" can be a graphic designer, but that's not true. And I'm trying, really hard. There are just so many more possibilities in the digital world, creating something from nothing in a wider spectrum. I am jealous of those who can actually draw, because that is more of a hands on thing. I should stop selling myself short. Just because I am going to major in graphics does not mean that I am still not a good at other things. I got a new lens today, and it was so nice to get back into photography and actually deal with real, tangible objects. There is such a difference between the two mediums. But I am glad that I know both of them, and that I'm pursuing the one that will probably work out better in my favor. And again with the "selling myself short" aspect - I will never be as good as half the artists in the world. But, I can safely say that I am one of the top artists in my graphics class. Everyone else doesnt seem to get it. What I do is somewhat distinct, and that emanates through what I do at work too. The CUSTOMERS though, I can't deal with. They don't have an appreciation for my modern-esque type logos and whatnot. I just don't get why people settle for less. Even my coworker had some really awesome designs that were shot down because they were un-traditional. I understand why people want to stick the the tradish, but I wish I could open up some peoples minds a bit. I am going to be doing a lot of foundation courses my freshmen year, mostly drawing. I hope I don't suffer horribly, but I think that once I get the hang of it, I will improve.
I've stopped caring about anyone else in my goddamn high school, and I'm just there to learn what I can and take away some valuable information. Other people think that learning stuff is dumb and whatever, but if I don't allow myself to be intrigued, i'll lose any motivation to learn. I've got a lot of (literal, it seems) weight on my shoulders (I've got a slight hunchback) and there is so much more shit to be done, before deadlines. Scholarships, projects, poems, aye. My whole high school career just sped up and it's all crashing down. That's why any alone time is definitely valued, there's just always something to be done. I know that things will obviously become more difficult, but I think if i reduce some clutter in my mind and my living space, I can fall into a healthier routine and be more organized. Sorry for the essay.

well. that's a relief.

time will take it all, and it will, you'll see


It's sunday morning, the sunlight is careening beyond the curtain and squeezing its way into the gaps. I woke up with some lovely texts from Alex saying that he had a lot of fun seeing Static Radio. I'm really glad that there was something of substance going on out there in Kansas.
My stress levels are slowly going down. I got most of what I needed to get done finished.



On friday I had a quarter-day at school, so I came home and slept for a long time. I went and hung out with dennis and we watched Once upon a time in Mexico. After that we got food at Shaker Cafe. I went home after dinner and my family was playing Apples to Apples. I joined in for their last half of the game. Totally got my mom with "Absurd - Doing the Dishes."
Yesterday I sat at the kitchen table all day, relentlessly doing homework and watching my sister bake cakes. I told her that I was doing the same thing as her, but on the computer. She asked "Baking cakes?" And i was like well no, not quite. Most of my designs lately are important because they could lead to potential scholarship. My brother was supposed to come over to dinner with some friends, so we set places in the dining room. He bailed so the rest of my family just ate in there, for the first time in 7 years when it wasn't a holiday. If there's one thing that I know won't leave my life, it's my family. All my friends are scattered across the United States, but they are all here. Good to know that I won't be going so far away from home.
I sat on the couch watching TV. There were a lot of movies on, but nothing really of substance. I decided that I wanted to watch something of substance that wasn't Not Another Teen Movie. I put on Blues Brothers and then immediately got sleepy. I don't know why this happens to me, but I can't watch movies after 10 pm.
Mr. Smith was right. Writing as soon as you wake up proves to have a much nicer flow because my short term memory isn't weighed down by any other random things going on through out the day.

what's it like in hell?


Today it snowed, and the snow blanketed the landscape to create something more beautiful than my eyes can handle.
Today, Denny's restaurants across North America were jammed Tuesday with patrons hungry to take advantage of the restaurant chain's Grand Slam breakfast giveaway.
Today, I wrote a poem about a boy I barely know, but I didn't do it by choice.
Today, President Barack Obama admitted he made a mistake in handling the nomination of Tom Daschle as his health and human services secretary.
Today, I worked efficiently and extra hours because I was the only one there. I had a sense of power, oh, the things I have learned.
Today, Myspace booted 90,000 sex offenders.
Today, I realized that my roots are buried within a certain person.
Today, the world continued to spin.

i am an artist

how come I don't feel like one?

your love will be safe with me



started new classes today. i've made it this far. i think i can go a little bit further. I had my interview at Tyler and she really liked me work, except for the drawings. i have a week to improve them and then hopefully I will be accepted.
I am immediately enjoying Mr. Smith's Honor's Imaginitive Process. I've been looking forward to this. and I think it'll be a good way to end the year.
spent the weekend in Philly, couldn't have spent it a better way. I got to see all my friends that i never get to see.
i need to stop eating ice cream for dinner.