f/1.8 50mm

(probably an all time favorite)

My mind is like a dog, it needs to be taken for walks every once in awhile. Or everyday, but that just doesn't seem to happen. I look at other people's artwork constantly, and I aspire to be able to do those things. But I am just not there yet, and it's hard to tell myself that. More and more I am realizing that I am a hands-on type person. I wish I could get inside the computer screen, touch every tangible object and arrange it into something beautiful. I cannot do that, though. Which is why it is more difficult to be a graphic artist, rather than a talent-ridden painter or a sculptor. Actually, theyre all difficult. It just seems like "anyone" can be a graphic designer, but that's not true. And I'm trying, really hard. There are just so many more possibilities in the digital world, creating something from nothing in a wider spectrum. I am jealous of those who can actually draw, because that is more of a hands on thing. I should stop selling myself short. Just because I am going to major in graphics does not mean that I am still not a good at other things. I got a new lens today, and it was so nice to get back into photography and actually deal with real, tangible objects. There is such a difference between the two mediums. But I am glad that I know both of them, and that I'm pursuing the one that will probably work out better in my favor. And again with the "selling myself short" aspect - I will never be as good as half the artists in the world. But, I can safely say that I am one of the top artists in my graphics class. Everyone else doesnt seem to get it. What I do is somewhat distinct, and that emanates through what I do at work too. The CUSTOMERS though, I can't deal with. They don't have an appreciation for my modern-esque type logos and whatnot. I just don't get why people settle for less. Even my coworker had some really awesome designs that were shot down because they were un-traditional. I understand why people want to stick the the tradish, but I wish I could open up some peoples minds a bit. I am going to be doing a lot of foundation courses my freshmen year, mostly drawing. I hope I don't suffer horribly, but I think that once I get the hang of it, I will improve.
I've stopped caring about anyone else in my goddamn high school, and I'm just there to learn what I can and take away some valuable information. Other people think that learning stuff is dumb and whatever, but if I don't allow myself to be intrigued, i'll lose any motivation to learn. I've got a lot of (literal, it seems) weight on my shoulders (I've got a slight hunchback) and there is so much more shit to be done, before deadlines. Scholarships, projects, poems, aye. My whole high school career just sped up and it's all crashing down. That's why any alone time is definitely valued, there's just always something to be done. I know that things will obviously become more difficult, but I think if i reduce some clutter in my mind and my living space, I can fall into a healthier routine and be more organized. Sorry for the essay.